DOES GOD EXIST?

This is one of the best explanations on the nature of God that I have ever seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.' 'Why do you say that?' asked the customer. 'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.  He looked dirty and unkempt.The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber: 'You know what? Barbers do not exist.' 'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!' No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'

 

'Exactly! 'affirmed the customer.' That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

Shared by Corinne Mustafa

You Are More!

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.

The LORD of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

Psalm 46:1-3,7

Here is a good link to a song by
Tenth Avenue North called

YOU ARE MORE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgi-G-dHYkY

Please click on it, enjoy it, and believe that
You are more, indeed!

Praise God!

Opportunities That Are Always Around Us

Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows hat when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes rom now I'm dead meat.'

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a class mate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap..

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!'

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!'

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie whispers back, 'I wet my pants once too.'

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.. Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

The Prayer:

Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy.. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings.

Amen.

Easter Blessings

HALLELUIA!

GOD'S NOT DEAD

HE'S SURELY ALIVE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghC3gqNQJPQ&feature=related

GRANDMA'S HANDS

I got this from my email inbox.

The author said, "I was privileged to take a photo of 'Five Generations of Women' " 

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench.. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands.

When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. 'Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking,' she said in a clear voice strong.

'I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,' I explained to her.

'Have you ever looked at your hands,' she asked. 'I mean really looked at your hands?'

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

'Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shrivelled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.

'They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.

'They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.

They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.

'They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.

They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.

'These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of God.

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home. When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma.

I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God.

I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

(Could not upload pic...will try later...)

ELOHIM

An Acrostic

of

E L O H I M

A Name of God

meaning

All Powerful One, Creator

E

Everything that moves, on earth, in water and in sky,

Elegantly proclaiming the awesome glory of God on high

Eyes lifting to heavenly realms where

crimson, saffron, and indigo colors delight

Everywhere in splendor as the sun sets low giving me

the inky black and star studded night for a respite.

ELOHIM,

All powerful One, Creator

From the mysteries of the Hubble photos to the magnificence

of deep sea creatures hidden through the ages but revealed in my time

You bless me with your resplendent world.

L

Lord and Master of the cosmos You created and detailed in wonder

Lovingly You brought it forth with flashes of light and crashes of thunder

Looking forward to forming Your children from all eternity;

creating them for fellowship with You.

Leading me on to know Your love, by my side,

guiding me to grow in wisdom

and virtue

ELOHIM,

All powerful One, Creator

Creator of your wondrous universe and of those

You made in Your image and likeness.

O

Oh Lord, what did I do to merit such an astronomical reward

and extraordinary regard

Of you obliterating from Your memory that I am sinful and quite scarred

Overlaying my repented wickedness with your boundless sensibility and

limitless tenderness of action

Opening the way to help me prepare and inviting me to live

with You in your eternal heavenly mansion.

ELOHIM,

All powerful One, Creator,

You gave your Son to live on earth to guide, to teach,

 and to offer me salvation.

H

Hearing my cries to You, oh God, You show me how to hearken to your voice

Helping me to grow in the ways of Your love, I choose

and in you I will always rejoice

Hope is the gift You have provided me which empowers my faith

 in things dreamed of but still unseen

Healing my despair and giving me boldness to expect, that the day when my

my time to become truly eternal will at last convene.

ELOHIM,

All powerful One, Creator,

You prepare a place for me to joyfully live

with You in perpetuity.

I

Infinite, immeasurable, inestimable, demonstrating glory beyond

 my ability to to have comprehended.

Immensity of your love and generosity such that any understanding

that I might have, in heaven finally will be mended

Injustice happens, and though I wonder why, I know that my promise is not

earthly, it will be part of my future guaranteed assurance

I will be with you forever in the heavenly gardens
filled with Your sweet fragrance.

ELOHIM,

All powerful One, Creator,

You are beyond my ability to grasp, which gives me such love

as with my limited human ability I can achieve.

 

M

Maker of all that is good, filled with kindness, and a desire for blessing me

Madness is in this world, but You have given me tools

to overcome it and a heightened ability

Magnanimous is a pale word to describe all that You do for me

and for all Your children to come to that magnetic

Moment when we will arrive at your celestial gates because with your

support we will have won all our earthly combats.

ELOHIM,

All powerful One, Creator,

I wait down here on earth for the day when I will meet You

face to face and sing Your praises with fellow citizens of paradise.

Written by

Corinne Mustafa

3/16/12

ONE MINUTE EACH NIGHT

ONE MINUTE EACH NIGHT

This is the scariest election we as Christians have ever faced, and from the looks of the polls, the Christians aren't voting Christian values. We all need to be on our knees. Do you believe we can take God at His word? Call upon His name, then stand back and watch His wonders unfold. This scripture gives us, as Christians, ownership of this land and the ability to call upon God to heal it. I challenge you to do that. We have never been more desperate than now for God to heal our land.

This election is the scariest I remember in my lifetime. Here is a good scripture wirh a promise of God to remember and pray....

 2 Chronicles 7:14.

'If my people, which are called by my name shall humble themselves,

 and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways,

then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin,

and will heal their land.'

 

During WWII, there was an advisor to Churchill, who organized a group of people who dropped what they were doing every night at a prescribed hour for one minute, to collectively pray for the safety of England , its people and peace. This had an amazing effect, as bombing stopped. There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in America .

The United States of America , and our citizens, need prayer more than ever!!! If you would like to participate, each evening at 9:00 P.M. Eastern Time (8 PM Central, 7 PM Mountain, 6 PM Pacific), stop whatever you're doing, and spend one minute praying for the safety of the United States, our troops, our citizens, for peace in the world, the upcoming election, that the Bible will remain the basis for the laws governing our land, and that Christianity will grow in the U.S.

If you know anyone who would like to participate, please pass this along. Someone said if people really understood the full extent of the power we have available through prayer, we might be speechless. Our prayers are the most powerful asset we have.

Thank you.

Jehova Jirah

I thought you who know my cousin Sally and have embraced her here would like to know the latest (and final I hope) chapter. For you who do not know her this is still a story of God's provision. Earlier this week we were getting pedicures when her phone rang. She hung up after telling someone she would get back to her, turned and stared at me with blank eyes. I go, "WHAT?" She said, "That was Hillcrest Gardens, and they have a studio available." At first, it did not compute in my addled brain. You may be asking what is Hillcrest Gardens? Well that is the very senior housing complex where she had hoped to get a place when we were running around putting in applications. When I finally figured it out I was dumbfounded. Based on the fact that all the senior housing places had told us it would be at least two years, we had looked elsewhere for a place for her to live. We finally settled on a mobile home (the least expensive place in Livermore which was at least $450 over her comfortable budget point) and on February 24th her family unpacked her and started putting things away. She and I put pics on the wall etc. Her first night to sleep there was March 2nd...JUST ON FRIDAY ONLY THREE DAYS BEFORE THE AFOREMENTIONED PHONE CALL!

So Sally called back and made an appt to see the place about an hour later. We were pleasantly surprised when we saw the unit because it is all one room. We thought it would be too small, but it has almost as much space as her mobile home has...and in several cases it is more convenient spaces than where she is now. In addition it has an amazing patio in front of the home. There are plans in the next several months to add about five feet onto the front of the living room and to make a wall between the bedroom area and the living room. As we talked we did the conversation of "what if" and "we could put this furniture in that space."

When we were on our way over there I was a bit skeptical, but I could almost immediately see the possibilities. She will have to do a bit more downsizing, but the important things like her sewing table, two very useful shelves and an antique hutch that I had given her will fit quite nicely. Of course her love seat and recliner that had been GIVEN to her will also fit.

Her rent will be $524 and that includes EVERYTHING...electric, gas, and cable. Her only extra expense will be her land phone if she decides to get one. This would make a savings of about $5,000 a year and allow her to be independent...not needing any financial help.

OK, now here is my take on this miracle. Everyone was praying for housing for Sally, and this is God's answer and miracle. He is sooo good. I was kidding around in the car with Sally and I said "Well God answered our prayers. but I dont get His timing...lol. Then I quickly said, "Just kidding, Lord." Later I did wonder if we had been guilty of not waiting on the Lord. My husband and I talked about it the next morning. He felt that we had reached the end of the time when we could just sit and wait without taking action.

I thought of my friend, Jackie's faith when she was looking for senior housing several years ago. She had waited on the Lord when she was needing a new place to live. I know that I could not have even dreamed that two years would turn into less than three months. Aparently the first person on the list had just moved into some other place, so Sally got bumped up to the first place. Still, I looked at things seen instead of things unseen. The bottom line is that God is never late. In fact when Jackie found out she emailed me with this comment, "Well, God is never late but He misses many opportunities to be early." HaHaHa...I got a good laugh from that.

The fact is that while He is never late we are often early in our expectations to answered prayers. Now the unpacking in the mobile home has stopped, and we will soon be repacking what is already unpacked. We will set to this task with joy and gratefulness to our Jehova Jirah. Sally's family will join the effort when moving time comes.

I am thrilled for my cousin; she means the world to me. We will weather this extra work of repacking and facing the manager of the mobile home park who has been wonderful to us. Sally will move to her new and "permanent" earthly home in early April, and all unpacking has stopped as of yesterday.

Heavenly Lord, Who is the maker of heaven and earth and even studio apartment miracles I thank You for Your miracles and Your unending love of us as You provide for all our needs. You never cease to amaze me, and I thank you for coming alongside my family to provide what is needed in life...in Your timing...in Your understanding of what we require...and in Your love of us. Amen.

Corinne Mustafa

A wonderful Erev Purim story.

Beautiful story.....

Helps you understand that things happen for a reason.

The brand new Rabbi and his wife, newly assigned to their first Congregation, to reopen a shul in suburban Brooklyn , arrived in early February excited about their opportunities. When they saw their Shul, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Erev Puirm.

They worked hard, repairing aged pews, plastering walls,painting, etc, and on 8th of the Adar (February 17th) they were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On February 19 a terrible tempest - a snowstorm hit the area and lasted for two days. On the 21st, the Rabbi went over to the Shul. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.

The Rabbi cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Erev Purim service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity, so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Mogen David embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the Shul.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The Rabbi invited her to wait in the warm Shul for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the Rabbi while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The Rabbi could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Rabbi, "she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?" The Rabbi explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Poland. The woman could hardly believe it as the Rabbi told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth".

The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Poland. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to a camp and she never saw her husband or her home again.

The Rabbi wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the Rabbi keep it for the Shul. The Rabbi insisted on driving her home. That was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Erev Purim. The Shul was almost full. The Service was great. At the end of the service, the Rabbi and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the Rabbi recognized from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the Rabbi wondered why he wasn't leaving. The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Poland before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike? He told the Rabbi how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a camp. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years between.

The Rabbi asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the Rabbi had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Erev Purim reunion he could ever imagine.

Based on a true Story

God does work in mysterious ways.  His love is always with you. His promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares we know He will see us through.

I asked the Lord to bless the readers of this lovely story as I prayed today, for Him to guide and protect them as thry go along theirr way.So when the road you're traveling seems difficult at best, just remember God is there and He will do the rest. When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.

God, bless all who read this post in what ever it is

that You know they may be needing this day!

May their lives be full of Your peace, prosperity and power

as they seek to have a closer relationship with You.

Amen.

Shared by Corinne
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is this holiday?
Purim

Significance: Remembers the defeat of a plot to exterminate the Jews who were in captivity
Observances: Public reading of the book of Esther while "blotting out" the villain's name
Length: 1 day
Customs: Costume parties; eating fruit-filled triangular cookies


These are verses from the Book of Esther...
In the twelfth month, which is the month of Adar, on its thirteenth day ... on the day that the enemies of the Jews were expected to prevail over them, it was turned about: the Jews prevailed over their adversaries. -
Esther 9:1

And they gained relief on the fourteenth, making it a day of feasting and gladness. -
Esther 9:17


[Mordecai instructed them] to observe them as days of feasting and gladness, and sending delicacies to one another, and gifts to the poor. -
Esther 9:22

Purim is one of the most joyous and fun holidays on the Jewish calendar. It commemorates a time when the Jewish people living in Persia were saved from extermination.

TODAY MY DAUGHTER CRIED

She had cried when I told her on November that I had been diagnosed as having uterine cancer. We were in the car in Minnesota on a pre-Christmas shopping trip. I told her and looked over to see her tear filled eyes lit by the dashboard lights. I tried to reassure her that I would be alright. However, I was not so sure of it as I sounded. I was in shock dealing with such information. It was a new area for me. I had only talked to my doctor on the phone a few hours earlier. My previous thought was that cancer was not something that happened to me. It only happened to other people. Now it was something that had happened to me.

I have been on a roller coaster of ups and downs since I was diagnosed with uterine cancer at the end of November. The waiting and not knowing when or how was harder even than the diagnosis. Even before I knew I told God that I would willing accept whatever he had for my life.

There have been incredible blessings even during this time. People wrote to me and reached out to me with the most incredible words and blessings. I knew I had many caring friends, but the degree of loving was something I was not aware of. In addition, I have gained some awesome understandings. I do not even know how many people were praying for me here and all over the world. My surgery was on Jan.18 performed by an ob/gyn surgeon who is also an oncologist. After the surgery this doctor, based on her experience, said she was 90% positive that the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. I took that as reality and tried to prepare myself for what was to follow...chemotherapy.

I still had faith that it would be overcome with further treatment. God had better in store. The surgeon called me today...two days later than expected. She said that the pathology report had come back that there was no cancer anywhere but in the uterus. I was clear. She said that she was two days late calling because she had asked the pathologist to do a second biopsy. That came back with the same results. The surgery had removed all the cancer. She repeated that she could not understand it.

I understand it. Thanks to all the intersesory prayers on my behalf and the loving favor of God who agreed with them, I have had a miracle. I am thanking God and asking Him to show me how he would like to use me in the future. I am blessed. All I had to do is resume my life and call my family and friends with my news, and resume my life in an improved way.

I called my daughter, and she started to cry. She said, “You know I can hardly talk now.” She was crying tears of joy for me…and for herself. So my daughters tears were at the beginning and at the end of this God filled ordeal that I have gone through. I feel that I am a better person because of it.

Corinne Mustafa, 1/26/12

TEAL RIBBON FOR UTERINE CANCER

We know and believe that God is in charge.

He will cradle those affected by any cancer.

While you pray for your special

 people who have cancer...

Please pray for this as well.

.

.

Heavenly Father, I come before you with a

solemn heart and in need of your intercession.

I pray that the cancer that has come into my life

soon fades into a quick remission. I believe in

your capacity for miracles, and ask for this on my

behalf. As we grow older, I know we become closer

to the day you accept us back into your kingdom.

I ask that you delay that holy union if it be your will.

In your name I pray, Amen.

Let us all pray for a permanent cure for cancer as soon as possible.

With all of the new cancer treatments being developed each year,

we will surely get there soon. God bless you, and may you

or your loved one experience a speedy recovery.

Read more: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/prayer-for-cancer.html#ixzz1kMY77TQ0

Dealing with the Big C...Part Two

(Written on 1/19 after I got home from the hospital, and the news was less than perfect)

Today I lost control. I had a hystereectomy on 1/18 which was supposed to cure me. I had been told by the ob/gyn that most uterine cancers were cured by this surgery. She said that if one has to have cancer that this would be the one to hope for. So this is the whole story of what happened in the last two days. I am home now.

Surgery went well, and by late afternoon I was back in my room. I have had very little pain which is a blessing. I was giving thanks for all the people who have been so caring and who prayed for me. It had meant so much to me.

However, now there is more for me to deal with. While I am doing okay as far as the surgery, I had known that they would be looking at margins within the uterus (if too thin a margin I would be requiring radiation) They also were removing a couple of nearby lymph nodes. If cancer was in them they would be doing chemotherapy. The doctors who did the surgery KNOW that there is cancer in the lymph nodes, and this is automatically a "sentence" that I must have chemo. They will be doing a biopsy on the lymph nodes and the reproducrive organs that they removed. However, even if it the cancer in them is minimal. chemo is indicated. And the horror is that it could have spread to other areas. This will require a Pet Scan when the surgery has healed. So, in a couple of weeks, I will be headed for six, four hour chemo treatements with twenty one days between each one.

This is big. But I know that God is a big God who has a plan for my life. At the moment it is hard to be chipper. However, in the beginning I prayed to Him that whatever the outcome I would be accepting, At the moment it is hard to be happy about it, but still I am filled with joy that I have Him and know He has my life in His hands. Now I need to pick up my life and move on as much as I can. I need to stop feeling helpless and that I have lost control.

After all in the end do I not believe that God is in control"

Please keep me in your prayers.

The ribbon for uterine cancer is TEAL. Did you know that there is a different color ribbon for every type of cancer? For me TEAL is the new PINK.

Dealing with the Big C...Part 1

In early November I noticed some symptoms that I knew were not normal, so on the 18th I had a biopsy. On November 25th, while I was in Minnesota at my daughters home for Thanksgiving, I got a call from my ob/gyn doctor to tell me that I had uterine cancer. She told me that a complete hysterectomy would be the treatment.

The big C! For almost a week I choked on the word when I had to tell about it. That word was something that I only had heard about other people having, and I never had dreamed that it would apply to me. I could only hang onto what the doctor said, "If a person has to have cancer this is the one to hope for." What a relief...lol!

This thing has been a roller coaster ride for me. At first, it was the uncertainty about what it was and what would happen. Then, I dealt with what it would do to all the plans I had for the holidays. Silly, but it was stressful. Then, after knowing I did have cancer, I had to wait from the end of November for a month to see the surgeon. She told me that she had scheduled me for January 18th for surgery...three weeks later!!! The final worry was if I could be ready for surgery with my sugar diabetes under control. I worked very hard to gain control. I only met the sugar requirements last Friday (January 13th) with my blood tests.

I had told some of my friends about my suspicians, but I had not told my adult children. I did not want then to worry...just in case there was another explanation. Now I had to tell them. My daughter and I went out shopping that night, and, while we were in the car, I told her. She did not cry, but I could her eyes welling up with tears in the light of the dashboard. She asked me how I was with that. I am the mother, and I am supposed to be strong. I said no worries. Inside I was scared to death, but I put on a good front. When were at the airport leaving for home, my daughter was kissing her dad goodbye. I heard her whisper to her father, "Take good care of Mom, Dad."

I was in Minnesota, and earlier in the afternoon, before I told my daughter, my son-in-law heard me talking on the phone. He could not hear my words, but he could tell by my tone that something serious had been discussed. He asked me if anything was wrong. I sat on the bed in his room and told him. I need to explain that my son-in-law is often withdrawn and very quiet. That afternoon and all the next day he was completely present to me. He told me that he and my daughter love us deeply. He was very caring, and also shared how good that they have parents to look up to. It totally blessed me. I came to understand that his sometimes distant behavior had nothing to do with us. He just likes to keep his own company at times. It will change how my hubby and I feel when we are visiting our daughter.

Friends have told me things letting me know how they saw me and what I mean to them. The degree of some of these feelings they expressed was unknown to me. They have blessed me immensely.

I have come closer to my oldest son and my daughter-in-law during this time. Usually I would only see this son about once a month.  When I told him what was going on, he said he would be able to do anything I needed. He ended up coming over to get out our Christmas decorations and helped to put up the outside lights. He and his family spent four different days during Christmas and also New Years Day. A blessing.

My cousin who is staying with me, and we have gotten as close as we were when we were children. She has been more solicitious than I ever dreamed. She was supposed to go home after the first of the year. She has decided to stay to help me when I get hime from the hospital. It is amazing how our relationship keeps getting closer and closer.

Last Sunday our church service was incredible. The worship felt like it was meant for me. One of the songs had the words, "Let the weak say I am strong. Let the sick say I am well." I sang them wholeheartedly and felt like God was trying to reassure me. Then our pastor did an altar call for people who were dealing with something something difficult, and he asked the rest of the people to come down and pray over someone in the group. Pastor had said that two people told him in first service that they had been cured...that they felt it during the prayer. I was not praying for a cure, but I was praying everything to be according to His plan. In the beginning of the whole thing I had prayed to God, and told Him that I put myself in His hands. I told Him that this meant I would be okay with whatever He had decided about me. In fact, all the stress I mentioned earlier dealt with circumstances rather than the diagnosis or outcome of the cancer. All during the prayer I was dealing with another problem that I have that needs correction. I have tried to overcome this problem, and time after time I had failed. At the end of the prayer I felt that this had been removed from me. If is a belief that has filled me with peace.

So tomorrow (January 18th) is the day. In spite of the circumstances, I feel blessed in very special ways. because God has given me incredible gifts to help me through this time.

Heavenly Father, You made me and know my every movement and how I am made.I know that you have a plan for my life.  I thank you for this time where You have been present in the mist of the confusion and worry about the havic that  this Cancer will produce in my life. I know nothing happens unless You allow it to happen. I have a heightened awareness that I have so many habits which I know I need to changed. I need to exercise. I should avoid procrastination. I should spend more time with You. Thank you for opening my mind to these needs. I know you will be with me tomorrow, and hold me in your arms as I go through my surgery. Praise you Lord God Almighty.

Amen.

Corinne Mustafa
1/17/12