Sandpaper People

I was at a meeting a couple of Thursdays ago. It is a group that gathers to pray together. We talk for a while, kind of a check in, to share where we are and what is on our minds. I am a new member, and that night I did not have anything to write on. I have since learned to bring a designated journal with me. As the conversation continues each Thursday there are tidbits of food for thought that I have jotted down to remember so that I can think on them or even write about them as I am doing now. It is not that I plan to write about what people have said for the most part. Rather I just want to share my thoughts about the topic.

My friend mentioned that some people are like sandpaper. Huh? “Well,” she said, “you know they just rub you the wrong way.” She went on to say that she has sandpaper people in her life…people who just drive her over the edge a lot of the time. I could tell by the facial expressions of the other women there that they could relate, as could I. Our friend shared that she has tried to develop a habit of sitting back and watching…looking into the behavior of some of her “S.P.” people. She said that when she did this she could see that someone who might bug her would have a good effect or influence on another person. She could see that when the person who literally drives her nuts interacts with others they might appreciate her and not be rubbed raw by her personality.

She began to understand the idea that how we perceive people is dependent on our unique personalities and backgrounds. She found that being unbiased as she looked, and leaving out idiosyncrasies, enabled her to see the good in that person. She came to understand that certain personality types just cannot be close. She allowed that she may never be a best friend of her sandpaper person, but she could appreciate what she saw when she watched.

When I came home and in the days that followed I began thinking about this concept. Oh, yes, I also have my “S.P.” people. The names are changed here to protect the innocent. LOL! There is Mary Lulu who comes to a meeting and takes over the conversation, telling her story and repeating herself over and over causing others to have a hard time to get a word in edgewise. Another non-favorite of mine is Angelgirl who tells her story as if she's all that and a piece of cake. She never has made a mistake, she is always willing to blow her own horn, and she has her own best friend. Then there is Counselor Courtney. She is the one who listens for maybe a half minute when someone is telling their story and then jumps in with advice and what to do’s for the speaker who is downtrodden and sad. Granted the speaker may not know what to do, but good ole  Courtney doesn't really worry if her advice is something that's appropriate and useful or something that is not even appropriate to the situation. These are just a few of the kinds of people that drive me up a wall. I sit and listen to them gritting my teeth and wishing that someone would get the hook, as an old vaudeville days, and pull them off their soapboxes. And then I sit there feeling guilty for all my negative thoughts. Said negative thought about it is not very conducive to a positive self image. So what's a girl to do?

So here I am at the prayer meeting half wondering what I'm doing here with all these prayer warriors that I cannot hold a candle to, and my friend, Vicki is her name, comes up with this concept about putting your judgments aside and taking an unbiased look at the person who's driving you nuts. You might find out that there's a lot to like about her even if it has to be from afar. I like that. I don't have to be so witchy or negative. So after a little check-in we were all praying, and I ask God to help me to be more accepting about the way I look at people. Well God, who never misses an opportunity to educate, points out to me the uses of sandpaper. I asked him, "What's that, Lord? The Lord whispers ever so quietly in my ear that I should look up the definition of sandpaper. Really? Sometimes it's really hard to understand the Lord; have you ever noticed that?

Being that I can be an obedient child when I choose to be. when I went home I checked into the online dictionary and looked up the definition of sandpaper. This is what I found…

Definition:

strong paper coated with abrasive material:

strong paper coated on one side with sand or another abrasive.

Use:
smoothing surfaces.

       smooth something using sandpaper: 

                 to rub a surface such as a piece of wood or a wall with sandpaper

        which takes away the roughness and makes it smooth.

Oh my gosh, Lord! So this is why you allow me to run up against sandpaper people in my life. It is so I can be smoothed out on some of my own rough edges. You are so clever, Father! Thank you. This is why You are God, and I am not. I promise to try to look at people who are able to rub me raw with new eyes… Eyes that can see their good in spite of the fact that they still get on my nerves.

You know that even Moses had to contend with sandpaper people.
Here is part of the story from Exodus 17: 1-5…

“The whole Israelite community set out from the Desert of Sin, traveling from place to place as the LORD commanded. They camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink. So they quarreled with Moses and said, “Give us water to drink.” Moses replied, “Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you put the LORD to the test?” But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?” Then Moses cried out to the LORD, “What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me.” The LORD answered Moses, “Go out in front of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go.I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink.” So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel. And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, “Is the LORD among us or not?”

And these were God’s “chosen people.” Moses dealt with their abrasiveness and their obnoxiousness and still led them to the promised land. If he can do this, why can't I find something good in my sandpaper people?

Heavenly father, let me look upon people with unbiased eyes and see the good in them, even when they are people I would not choose as my best friends. Help me to know that you love them more than anyone else can love them, and hold them as your own children. Let me see that they are precious in your sight, and let them become precious in my sight as well. Amen.

©Corinne Mustafa

    January, 2011