This is about a book entitled Reaching Out that was written by Henri J. M. Nouwen. This review was written by my friend, Storm Hendrickson. Although the book itself was first published in 1975, the words and teachings inside still apply today. I would like to share some of those with you. I'll post a little bit about the book for the next few weeks. I hope that you enjoy what is written and can find a way to apply it's teachings to your life; because I believe what is written is very valuable and can help enhance your spiritual life. Enjoy!
A Suffocating Loneliness
Loneliness is something that everyone will experience at some point in their life. Loneliness comes in many forms and with many levels of intensity. A person can experience loneliness when day after day no one comes to visit, a person can feel the presence of loneliness when being mocked, laughed at or rejected by peers, loved ones or even strangers. A person can be enveloped in loneliness even amongst a crowd of people. However loneliness comes, the experience is anything but pleasant. According to Henri J. M. Nouwen (1975), "loneliness is one of the most universal sources of human suffering today" (p. 25). Loneliness is responsible for increasing numbers of alcoholism, drug abuse, psychosomatic symptoms, and suicide. We try to bury the pain of loneliness as if it was not really there. People have become so used to the state of anesthesia that they panic when there is nothing to do or nobody left to distract them. When they have no project to finish, no friend to visit, no book to read, no television to watch, and no computer to play with, they are left alone and brought to the revelation of their basic human aloneness and are afraid of experiencing an all-pervasive sense of loneliness.
When our loneliness drives us away from ourselves into the arms of our companions (not necessarily human) in life, we are, in fact, driving ourselves into excruciating relationships, tiring friendships, and suffocating embraces. To wait for moments or places where no pain exists and no separation is felt would be living in a dream world, because those places are only imaginary.
A Receptive Solitude
One way that we can overcome "loneliness" is to turn it into solitude. The word solitude can be misleading, because it suggests being alone by yourself in an isolated location. Although it is very difficult to move from loneliness to solitude without any form of withdrawal from a distracting world, and therefore it is understandable that people who seriously try to develop their spiritual life are attracted to places and situations that allow them to be alone for a period of time, true solitude comes from within. It is an inner quality or attitude that does not depend on physical isolation. Henri J. M. Nouwen (1975) explains that, "On occasion isolation is necessary to develop a solitude of heart, but it would be sad if we considered this essential aspect of the spiritual life as a privilege of monks and hermits" (p. 38). Oh how true! It is extremely important for a person's spiritual life to maintain solitude even in the midst of a big city, a crowded room, or when leading a very active and productive life. Nouwen (1975) states, "A man or woman who has developed this solitude of heart is no longer pulled apart by the most divergent stimuli of the surrounding world but is able to perceive and understand this world from a quiet inner peace" (p. 38).
Henri J. M. Nouwen (1975) states, "By attentive living we can learn the difference between being present in loneliness and being present in solitude" (p. 38). Although alone, you can still enjoy the quietness of solitude. While attending a lecture, watching a movie, or chatting with friends you can obtain deep contentment of someone who speaks, listens, and watches from the tranquil center of solitude. It is not hard to recognize the difference between the restless and the restful, the driven and the free, the lonely and the solitary in our surroundings. When a person lives in solitude of heart, he or she can listen with attention to the words and the worlds of others, but when that person is driven by loneliness, he or she tends to select just those remarks and events that bring immediate satisfaction to his or her own craving needs and desires (Nouwen, 1975).
Our world is not divided, however, between lonely people and solitaries. We constantly fluctuate between these poles and differ from hour to hour, day to day, week to week, and year to year. There are many factors that cause a person to fluctuate, which influences the balance of inner life. Henri J. M. Nouwen (1975) explains that, "But when we are able to recognize the poles between which we move and develop a sensitivity for this inner field of tension, then we no longer have to feel lost and can begin to discern the direction in which we want to move" (pp. 38-39). Nouwen goes on to explain that the development of this inner sensitivity is the beginning of spiritual life.
"The movement from loneliness to solitude is not a movement of a growing withdrawal but instead a movement toward deeper engagement in the burning issues of our time. The movement from loneliness to solitude can make it possible to convert slowly our fearful reactions into a loving response. As long as we are trying to run away from our loneliness we are constantly looking for distractions with the inexhaustible need to be entertained and kept busy. We become the passive victims of a world asking for our idolizing attention. We become dependent on the shifting chain of events leading us into quick changes of mood and capricious behavior. Then our life becomes spastic and often destructive sequence of actions and reactions pulling us away from our inner selves" (p. 49). A real spiritual life makes us alert and aware of our environment, all that is around us; all that is and happens becomes part of our contemplation and meditation and invites us to a free and fearless response (Nouwen, pp. 50-51, 1975).
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