THE ROAD TO PEACE

Conversation for 3/28/11

Have you ever considered what a slippery slope the world of adult communication is? You are at a play with your granddaughter and her other grandmother. You look at the time and find out you are already an hour and a half into it. Tapping the arm of your co-Grammy you say, “Oh my gosh, Judy, do you know it is 9:30 already?” The comment is meant to just show that you are surprised that time has passed so quickly. Five minutes later the intermission comes, and Judy asks our seven year old granddaughter if she wants to leave – wondering if she is tired. To your relief the child says that she is enjoying the play and that she wants to stay until the end. Later on, in the car, Judy tells you that when you mentioned the time she had thought that I was saying we should leave because it is late. You have here a minor failure to communicate.

Sometimes the failure to communicate is not quite as minor as the example that I have given above. You say something to someone that you mean in the most loving way and is interpreted entirely differently than what you meant. Feelings are hurt, and misunderstandings start. Pretty soon you're wondering what went wrong, wrong between you and your good friend, or your daughter or your daughter-in-law. You may not even know why, because you can't read a person's mind. You just know that something is wrong and something is different. It is even hard to know how to clean it up or what to do. You are unless field under a black cloud.

If other situations are a slippery slope dealings with your adults children and their spouses are slippery slope lined with banana peels. We've been there, done that, but that doesn't give us the right to think that we know everything or to think that they have to do things the way we did them or want them to do them. Think back to the time when you were a “new adult child” of your mother and father. I know for me I wanted to be allowed to live my own life and the way I chose. Sometimes I didn't appreciate them putting their two cents worth in. I felt that I had a right to make my own adult choices. Also, when it was about something that I had issues with from my childhood, I wanted to do it differently. Sometimes parents are the role model, and sometimes they're not. I have found that I can save myself a lot of pain by not injecting too much opinion into the lives of my children. To do so is to invite a painful awareness of my own shortcomings when they were children.

I have come to understand that people only know what they know when they finally get to know it. And the best way to come to an understanding or gain experience is to do just that – experience it. You can't do that if some older adult is always jumping in with advice and information that is given in such a way that it almost means you have to do it their way. Now I'm not saying here that we cannot sometimes speak into their lives, what I am saying is that we have to do it wisely.

Recently, I heard a very funny statement. Judy, my granddaughter Kieran's other grandmother, was talking to her friend. They were discussing relationships and how to remain on an even keel with relatives and in-laws relatives. Here's what her friend told her…

“Wear beige and keep your mouth shut!”

Well this may not be the best advice at all times, it is pretty good advice for many situations. I know I've had my life, and I learned so much from all the good and bad choices I made. The young adults in my life should be able to do the same. So, I will remember and follow (when appropriate) this advice and Judy's friend. I am currently shopping for more beige outfits to hang in my closet.

In Jesus we have an excellent example of this behavior. Jesus didn't fight back when they were banging the crown of thorns into his head, when they were spitting on him, or when they made him carry the cross. He could've winked an eyelid and destroyed them all in a heartbeat but he held his quietude. Please read the following Scripture…

Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “Are you not going to answer?
What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?”
But Jesus remained silent. The high priest said to him,
“I charge you under oath by the living God:
Tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God.”
“You have said so,” Jesus replied.

Matthew 26:62-63.

Jesus walked the "road to peace" all through his life.    That doesn't mean that He always found peace.  People misunderstood Him all the time.  Communication IS a slippery slope.  I only hope that I can follow His example – even if imperfectly.  I don't have to be talking and advising constantly.

AND, as I recall, Jesus wore a beige colored robe also.

Written by Corinne Mustafa

3/27/11